Personal Update · Perspective

“Search me, O God, and Know My Heart”

Excerpts from Psalm 139

O LORD, you have searched me
…..and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
…..you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
…..you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
…..you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;
…..you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
…..too lofty for me to attain…

For you created my inmost being;
…..you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
…..your works are wonderful,
…..I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
…..when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
…..your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
…..were written in your book
before one of them came to be…

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
…..test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
…..and lead me in the way everlasting.

My thoughts:

The psalmist expresses my thoughts much better than I could myself.  In the first and last sections I included, I am reminded that, comfortingly, God knows my every thought and all my ways.  He knows the immense joy I feel at being a part of Leia joining her forever family this past weekend.  He knows the sadness of my spirit as I grieve her going.  And he knows how much I desire to have a heart like his as I walk through this experience.  In my joy and sadness, my prayer today echoes the words of the psalmist:  “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

The middle section reminds me of the plan that God has for Leia, for the way that he “knit her together in her mother’s womb” and prepared her for her amazing new family.  All of her days were “written in God’s book before one of them came to be.”  What an amazing thought: the Father knows Leia (and the rest of us) completely!  He knew that she would be given up for adoption and that she would become part of the Raboin family.  He knows the struggles she will face and each joyful moment she will experience.  God knows every detail of Leia’s life, and what a precious blessing that is.  We live in a world where people are desperately searching for their identity by grasping for anything to make them unique, and yet clinging to conformity so that they will not be alone.  Against this cultural backdrop, my prayer is that as Leia grows, she will find her identity in knowing that she is known completely by her heavenly Father.  I also pray that she will one day become a woman after God’s own heart; may she know the truth of this Scripture and be able to pray wholeheartedly that God will “lead her in the way everlasting.”

If my tone seems solemn or discouraged at all in this post, it’s only because in my flesh I’m sad that Leia is leaving me.  Yet, the unselfish part of me is rejoicing at the Lord’s goodness in bringing this family together, and I’m praying that God will help me to shed all of my selfishness and focus completely on the joy.  Join me in celebrating the homecoming of Leia!

Enjoy the photos below of the beautiful uniting of parents and child (click on a photo to enlarge):


Outfit Mommy sent for Leia. The shirt says, "I'm a His Hands Taiwan Baby."
Bow and headband and all. :)
Coming into the HSR with my little snugglebug.
Kalina & David seeing Leia for the first time.
The long-awaited moment.
So happy to be a part of this!
Snuggling with Daddy.
All smiles.
Together.

6 thoughts on ““Search me, O God, and Know My Heart”

  1. Christel,

    Praying for you, sweet, and knowing how hard it can be to let go. I hope that it’s okay to be a little selfish, I think it comes with love.

    Love you,
    Julie

  2. Oh, Christel, what a beautiful little thing. :) Thanks so much for sharing this and the pictures. As overjoyed as you must for this family, I can’t imagine how hard it must have to been to let her go. Love you, friend.

  3. Welcome to HigherCallingsBlogs. Wow. Thanks for sharing this. That must of been a hard thing. To let go of something as wonderful as a little baby that you had grown to love for a great new home. And thanks for sharing the Psalm, it is encouraging to know that God and his Love is always with us and knows are cares and concerns

  4. Hi, I am a Christian teenager in Lowell, MA (but originally from Brazil). The message on this page, even the header, has blessed me tremendously. YES, JESUS OVERCAME THE WORLD!!!!!!!!

    LET YOU BE USED BY GOD TREMENDOUSLY
    MAY GOD BLESS YOU!!!

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